For two years I’ve been attempting to lose weight that has accumulated since probably when I was in high school. It was two years ago when I decided to try exercising in the hopes of losing all the excess baggage, and it’s not limited to the fats alone. The greatest trigger for doing this probably was when I remember feeling very good and happy one time going home and then suddenly, when I saw myself in the full-length mirror of the place I was staying at back then, I got depressed. The reality of the situation struck me really hard. More than the health issues, seeing myself in such state was horrendous. Wearing oversize clothes, carrying an upsized double-cheeseburger meal, obviously something was wrong. What I was feeling and what I was seeing were at conflict. I didn’t know who the person was staring back at me at the mirror. I didn’t like what I saw, of course, and I knew I had to do something about it.
People say if you feel good inside, it will show and people will notice. It’s in the way you carry yourself. So maybe, all this time, either I was just in denial and what I felt that time was just fake happiness, or it was just temporary happiness. Either way, the insecurity was definitely there. So I set out and make a change, and a big one at that—and it all starts with the running shoes.
I remember buying a pair of running shoes from a sale at the department store. At that time, I didn’t care much about performance or whether the shoes gave stability for running. As long as it fit me, then I’m good to go. And besides, I’m not good with shopping. It’s just funny that those same pair of shoes still exists and are actually really durable, considering how heavy I was and how my feet kept on brushing the pavement.
I think I’ve made it clear from the start that my driving force for losing weight was to let go of my insecurities. But I was shy to formally express that reason to others whenever they ask me what my main motivation was in going through everything that I’ve been doing. I don’t know why, to be honest. Maybe I feared that they would judge me because of my insecurities. I was fat, I won’t deny that, and being fat makes me question myself, but admitting it and saying it out loud are two different things.
Taking the first step on that day that I went out to do a brisk walk was like going to an unfamiliar place. You need to have that courage to go further. I knew to myself that it’s going to be a rough ride and I have to endure a lot of pain, but I’ve been through worst in my life and by going through this means redeeming myself for all the mistakes that I’ve done and hopefully coming out as a reformed person.
I knew to myself that this was going to be a difficult challenge and I could simply give up and go back to my old routine, and there were times that I felt like such, but just the thought of setting a goal and accomplishing it thru hard work gave me enough boost to carry on and push through. Simply put: a challenge is motivation in itself. You are your own motivator and competitor. You set your own benchmarks and strive to surpass that limit. In that way, you can gauge your own skills and evaluate the things you need to improve on.